|
Learning to
surrender with respect to my daughter is the place where I am growing this
month. I recently accompanied her to have minor surgery. I spent about 11 hours
in the waiting room. It was a good place to practice surrender.
When she
was small, I was responsible for her welfare. I had total control because I was
a single parent.
When did that end? I am embarrassed to say that I'm only
now learning how to transition from being an overly-protective mom to being one
who has to stand by and let her walk her own journey and allow her the dignity
of her own mistakes.
It's challenging to see her stumble through some of
the same challenges and mistakes I made. I want her to benefit from the wisdom I
gained from my mistakes. It doesn't work that way.
It was in a 12-Step
Group where I first read about "robbing our children of the dignity of failure"
that I really understood the meaning of my past behavior.
I remember
what I put my mother through when I was younger. I packed up my 5 year-old and
moved across the country without a job or a place to live. She must have been
very concerned.
It came as a great shock to me that I wasn't my
daughter's best adviser. I've acted like her boss for so many years. By being
over-protective, I robbed her of the consequences of her behavior.
Bailing our kids out may seem like a good idea at the time, but it will
only postpone the lesson they will eventually have to learn.
I believe
our most important job as mothers is learning how and when to let go. I think
you have to do that from the very beginning instead of thinking it will happen
when they move out on their own. It's nearly impossible to do then if you
haven't been practicing along the way.
My daughter so graciously tells
me to "back off" in a very sweet way. God bless her and me as we cut this
umbilical cord that's almost 40 years old.
I'm also
faced with having to let go of my obsession with my grandchildren.
Alexis
Madeline, my oldest granddaughter, is going to be 12 in August. She's not
thrilled about coming to Grandma's for the weekend anymore. I can't even entice
her with "seeing a special movie" or "renting a special DVD".
I love
being a Grandma. It gave me a second chance to redeem some of my behavior as a
mom. I've taken Lexi to concerts, plays, theater, bike riding, Yosemite National
Park, swimming, hiking, miniature golf, and skiing.
I'm grateful that
Sadie Pearl, my youngest granddaughter, age 7, is still thrilled to spend time
with me. She comes running when I arrive at her house and jumps in my arms for a
big hug. Lexi doesn't even get up from the computer.
I suppose part of
it is the angst of being 11 years old. Being seen with Grandma is embarrassing
or even saying that Grandma is "babysitting" is insulting. She's not a baby
anymore. I understand all this intellectually, but it's still hard. I learning
not to take it personally.
I remember
when my daughter went through the same thing. It was even more painful because I
didn't have much of a life outside of motherhood. Now I do. Thank God. Surrender, Sweet Surrender.
I'm grateful for the lesson of learning to let go in yet another area of my
life.
"Speak to us of Children. and he said: Your children are not your
children. There are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They
come through you but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong
not to you. The Prophet Kahlil Gibran
| 
What Does Working with a Life Coach Provide?
